A little overwhelmed.

A/N: I'm not always willing to write what I feel, but when I do, I try to be as descriptive as possible. So, here's one of those moments where I had to remind myself to write what I feel and let it resolve into the universe.

Revolutionary greetings to you, dear reader,

Welcome back to Train of Thought.

I think I've always struggled with allowing people to think of me as more than what I actually am. For a while, I struggled with the idea that my potential is limitless, and I can thrive in any environment I'm thrown into.

But it wasn't always like this. For me, it's never been about recognition. I've always had to fight within myself to find a sense of purpose and passion. I've been alive for so long, yet I never really lived until recently. That's the crazy thing about life, you can be alive every day for years on end and still not have lived.

So, I am a little overwhelmed. By people putting their trust in me, by people putting their faith in my ability to do what I do. I'm overwhelmed because imposter syndrome always seems to kick in when everything is going amazing. Do I deserve the applause? The praise? The love? The support?

I haven't journaled in so long that it feels foreign to me, but foreign is good. Foreign is new, and new is what I've been experiencing lately.

So, I may be overwhelmed today. I may sometimes feel like the odds are stacked, but in the end, I know this isn't where I saw myself a year ago. I know this is much more than I thought I could afford myself a year ago and that in itself amazes me.

Sometimes it dawns on me how much I've made of myself, how much progress I've made. I'm going on 4 years self-harm free, dawg. It may get hard and sometimes I feel like giving in, but I haven't and that makes these past 4 years all worth it.

All I'm praying for is more progress, more wins, more lessons and not losses. With my dad in good health now, I need every win coming my way. I need to win for him, I need to win for me and for everyone that has believed in me.