October song (Part 2.)

[A/N: Because everyone bullied me into writing the second part of the story, here goes nothing. Writing this story is.. a lot. I'm reminiscing yet also closing up a chapter that I thought would las longer than it did. Nonetheless, happy reads everyone.]

Greetings, beloveds.

Welcome back to Train of Thought.

Ah, right, where were we?

I spoke a little about being blind to what exactly I was getting into with October.

Right, let's get back into it.

[Circa 26-27 October 2021.]

Unaware of anything else except for the fact that October and I got along like a house on fire, I continued to not only confide in him, but I did something I probably should never have. I, of all people, who just met this man not more than 3 days ago, promised him that I'd be there for him throughout this whole process and for as long as he needed me to afterwards.

I don't know man, out of ten? I'd give myself zero right there and then. But, I didn't. I gave this man my word and I know my word is bond, I wasn't going to break a promise, let alone when it was dedicated to Our Star.

Some time between the drama of planning a remembrance and memorial, I caught more of a clearer picture of who October actually was. He was just this big, tall goofy teddy bear. He'd make me laugh till I couldn't anymore, and even then, he'd always find a way to comfort me through the loss of Our Star, while struggling through it himself. He has this thing, whenever he'd smile, I swear down his eyes would light up. I think that's what really always did it for me. The idea that I was part of the reason why that twinkle was in his eye.

The thing about October was, he'd never really say anything he knew would hurt me. That became exactly the problem, his ability to sugarcoat everything. As for me, the minute he called me by my middle name (Iyaloo), I'd feel every single brain cell fail to communicate sense to my heart. Bathong, colleagues, what kind of hold did this man have on me?

Hayi ke, sisi, anyway.

The first time I remember everyone starting to realize what was going on was the day I met his mother. (Yes, I met her, and didn't know it was her.)

The day I met her, I was helping out in the kitchen about a day before Our Star's memorial. I remember somehow ending up with October's oversized jacket on, mixing some sort of salad in Our Star's mother's kitchen. The kitchen was bustling with movement, and one of Our Star's aunts asked me to help her cook. I gladly assisted, joining her in small talk and reminiscing about the person we had lost. Unbeknownst to me, she had recognized the jersey I was wearing, but never mentioned it to me. So we cooked, spoke, bonded over Our Star and I think I even told her my name.

About a day later, we had to go pick up something at October's house, in preparation for the memorial, and we found her home that day. To say I was shook was an understatement, because frankly, I couldn't believe she spent all that time speaking to me, just for her to be his mom. DAWG, I HAD THAT JERSEY ON FOR HOURS.

So, sometime before the funeral, I remember us having a conversation about what was really going on. I was nervous, and I assume he was too, because it was way too soon for me to be feeling what I was feeling for him and vice versa.

Could we be trauma bonding?

Is that healthy?

Will the feelings eventually fade?

What was going to happen to him and I after all this chaos?

[A/N: So during the time I was writing this post, I stopped for a moment to just collect myself and then I received a text from October, lmao. Haven't spoken to him in a while, and he probably doesn't even know I'm writing this whole thing. Random, but weird, anyway.]

I remember it like it was yesterday; the moment I knew we'd be bonded forever. The casket was being lowered and it was like all the strength that held October up suddenly fell away. I held his hand first, then his arm, then rubbed his back and eventually held his head in my hands as he sobbed. It took all of me not to fall apart, but I made a promise to this man and I was going to keep it. So I held him, and when he let go, I looked him in the eyes and affirmed, again, that I'd always always be there for him

[Fast forward to after the funeral because there was too much drama there that I cannot speak on because woeg ha a.]

In the beginning, October would call me at 2AM [like clockwork] every other day. It became this sort of routine that even when we spoke all day, somehow we'd end up speaking until late in the AM's about everything under the sun. Some days we'd speak about Our Star, other days we'd speak about us and sometimes we'd just listen to each other breathe on the phone.

The intimacy this brought into our situation was important. I was learning him emotionally and mentally. I was becoming his safe space, and he was becoming mine. It was so intense yet so calm.

Until of course I wanted more than just that which we had, but I didn't know what that would mean for us. Were we ready? Was I ready? Was he?

[A/N: That concludes part two of this 5 part story, beloveds. Next part will be published soon as soon can happen and by soon I mean soon. Happy reading and happy hump day, faves.]

Until next time,

xo.