October song.

[A/N: One thing about me? I'll vent, I'll overshare and I'll say exactly what I mean. Anyway, enjoy the read, loves.]

Greetings, beloveds.

Welcome to Train of Thought, and Happy New Year.

I've been spending a lot of time in my head; thinking, planning, explaining, analyzing.

Sometimes I think back to situations, entire months and days in my life which changed me. And other times, I think of him. Oh, I know I shouldn't be, but there are so many times I feel as though he should've been apart of core memories I've made.

But then, I remember that he could've chosen to stay. He could have stayed and been the love of my life, he could've even stayed and become the man I'd one day marry (and honestly, this thought alone is the one that keeps me up.). So eventually I told myself, I'd write down the story of our chaos, in an effort to let it go, leave it out in the universe.

I'll tell the story in 5 parts, and this is part 1.

For the sake of anonymity, which I sometimes feel won't really hide who he truly is, I'll refer to him as October. This alone could decrypt who he is if you know me well enough. Nonetheless, October and I had a storyline like no other because if it wasn't for Our Star, I would've never met him.

[Circa 2021, October 25th.]

In the wake of Our Star's death, everyone was in a panic over what needs to be done, where and when. And so, we got up off our asses and rushed to get things done. I can remember so vividly how I came to meet October. It was the Monday morning that followed the weekend of Our Star's passing, we were scheduled to be going to get things done around town and by mere chance, I ended up running errands with October and another friend (Tate winya of the Vitz, lol.)

I didn't know him from a bar of soap, but for some reason, I was drawn to him. From conversations that made no sense, to endless banter and questions I had no place asking, we learned each other in the span of a few hours. The crazy thing was, I didn't go looking for that kind of connection, it just sort of... happened. It was like I'd known him my whole life, and I'd began to wonder if he was Our Star's way of granting me someone to hold onto, in the wake of his death.

I'd known nothing of who October was in his past life, nothing of what he meant to Our Star or even how much he would begin to mean to me. At the time, it was all just feelings, lots of them. And I thought that maybe I was the only one feeling them, so, for a while, I kept them to myself.

Of course, until started to feel like every interaction was meant to happen, like he knew what I was feeling and felt it too. Like everyone was watching it happen, and allowing it, because we were all going through a difficult time. So, of course I held on, I thought it wouldn't hurt to have someone to hold onto during a time like that. Although, looking back at it, I should've known it would've went further than just coping through what we were going through.. but who was going to tell me? not a single soul...

[A/N: That concludes part one of this 5 part story, beloveds. Next part will be published soon as soon can happen and by soon I mean next Sunday. Happy reading and happy new week, faves.]

Until next time,

xo.