October song (part 3).

[A/N: Back by popular demand.. and of course a little convincing from impatient readers, here is part 3 of your favorite storytime. This one hurts to even write because it took a lot from me to put into words. Enjoy the read, beloveds.]

Greetings, beloveds.

Welcome to Train of Thought.

I think I'd always had it in the back of my mind that he'd never truly be the man I thought he could be. Either that, or I just didn't trust the idea of him being so good, so intoxicating, so... addictive even.

So I kept these reservations to myself, and with every red flag that began to appear, it became clearer and clearer that as much as I was willing to wait it out, I wasn't willing to fix him.

It all started with the phone calls. Yes, those 2AM calls where we'd speak about everything around the sun. Those calls frequented for about a month or two, and I can remember the daytime conversations lessening. It began to become a routine where we'd only speak when he's intoxicated enough to open up, and then I'd keep to myself the content of the conversations because he'd never want to discuss them when he's sober.

Yes, I was willing to be his crutch while he healed from the loss we both shared, but I was also beginning to wonder if that's all I was good for. That thought, singlehandedly brought back every doubt I had about him in my mind, and boy was that a dark place to be.

I hated that I cared for him. Hated that I was willing to be his crutch to remain in his life and moreso, hated the fact that all it took for me to forgive him was for him to say those words, those empty, meaningless words that danced on the tip of his tongue like a melody he'd practiced day in and day out.

"I'm sorry, Iyaloo."

I'm sure you are, October, because one thing you've always been is sorry.

So yes, the good turned into the bad, and the bad lasted.

Nonetheless, this went on for a while. Until, of course, I wanted more. And he couldn't give me more, so I sought more by myself. Unhealed and unhealthily attached to someone else, I dated casually. Bad idea, because everyone reminded me of him. Every occasion, every talk, every man that promised better, reminded me how I wanted October to be the one to give me better, not them.

"You're mine, Iyaloo. I'm serious.

You're not going anywhere, and I don't want to hear about you wanting to see other people. You're mine, right?"

Yes, yes I am, October.

Because at 2AM, when he asked me how exactly I felt about him, I'd tell him. And when I'd say I wanna see other people, he'd be so upset that he'd make me feel exactly how I wanted to feel when it came to him; wanted. I wanted the October I met months prior to this, the one who made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.

But, that October was long gone.

And so, this is how things went on for a while.

And then one day, I just stopped asking. I stopped texting, stopped calling and stopped answering messages. I figured maybe I was okay without him. Maybe it was best for me to keep my distance.

Until one morning.

[A/N: I'll be writing this part in present continuous tense. Private school money didn't go to waste, lol.]

I think it must've been around 7AM when he called. I wasn't even up and ready for work yet, so who would be calling me so early?

I flipped the phone over and there it was, clear as day. His name flashed across my screen and I answered almost immediately, thinking something was wrong.

"Iyaloo."

"October"

"I need to see you."

"It's 7AM."

"I know. I'm on my way to you, I'll be there in 10."

"You what?"

"I'm on my way. Look, I'll call you when I'm outside. Okay?"

*Silence*

"Iyaloo, I'm talking to you."

"Okay."

And just like that, I brushed my teeth, wiped my face and put my pajamas on. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed some water and just wondered what he was up to.

What does he want from me at 7 in the morning?

10 minutes later, my phone rings. It's him, he's outside waiting for me. I take a deep breath, put my slides on and walk to the door. Hearing the door rattle, meme walks out of her room, curious as to who's opening the door so early.

"Where are you going?"

"October's outside."

"At.." (looks at the time on her phone) "7 in the morning?"

"Yeah."

"O-okay."

I open the door, close it behind me, head out the small gate and there he is, with the brightest smile on his face.

"Hi Iyaloo."

"It's 7AM."

"I missed you."

Normal people miss people and call them. October? Well, he misses me and tries to kidnap me and keep me with him for the entire day at 7AM. So yes, I was a little annoyed. But those words, oh how I longed for them. They melted my heart like butter in a pan, I was putty in his hands and he knew it.

I missed you.

[I'm not going into detail about how the visit went and what exactly happened, but I'll conclude it below shortly.]

It felt.. good. It felt like coming up from the bottom of the swimming pool when you know you can't swim. A flutter in my stomach as I pulled back from what happened to be October and I's first actual kiss.

"You felt that too, right? Cause I did."

And even if I didn't want to say it, I did too. Because I felt every single emotion intensify as soon as his lips touched mine. Oh, man, I knew from this point on, the attachment would only begin to get more toxic than it already was.