What's in the name?

[A/N: I hope this posts resonates with everyone that reads it. Lots of love, and I'm so glad to be back. Enjoy the read, beloveds.]

Greetings beloveds, I come baaaack :)

Welcome to Train of Thought.

And yes, I can explain the absence:

I've been taking time to really fully experience life without bringing you guys half-assed content simply because I have to give you content. So that's what I've been doing, I've been living. And now that I feel like I've found something to tell you guys that's not necessarily about umjolo or October , I wanna say it.

I took a lot of time to reflect on the past month and a half. Reflection, mostly on my interactions with others around me - friends. I also recently found myself watching all of Dave Chappelle's shows over again, just because I knew he'd bring me back into a place of comfort and reason.

So, after I watched his 'What's in the name?' Special and the Special where he wins the Mark Twain award, I realized something - All of his journey to the top has been filled with meaningful interactions. Everyone around Dave has learned a thing or two, been around for some major milestones and just experienced his love wholeheartedly.

I started to reflect on my friendships and started to think about my life. Do I have that kind of impact on people? Do my friends see me this way? Am I apart of something bigger than just myself?

I thought about how I'd been feeling over the past month - alone in my thoughts, spiraling through yet another bout of what seems like an early mid-life crisis - and wondered how different my interactions have been with those around me.

What is in my name that makes me, me? And why do I draw all these people into this light, this name, this persona and this heart, time and again?

I have so many wonderful people that form part of my life in various capacities that all mean so much to me now. I've been hurt by a lot of encounters with people I had in my life in the past, and now that I'm finally in a place where I can accept and reciprocate friendships in my life, I've welcomed them with open arms.

“You know, be able to do something great in your life, you’re gonna have to realize your failures. You’re gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.” – Dave Chappelle

So, what is in the name, Ndapanda? - I've asked myself this many times.

What's in the name is love, always has been. Its in the way I've learned to let people in, let them love me for me (all of me, and not just what I want them to see) and allow them to decide how long that will go on. It's in the way I learned that the walls I build to keep bad people out also keep the genuine ones on the outside.

In the name Ndapanda, there is unity and community. Friends from all walks of life come together in my name, and they form bonds built on the foundation of the love I share for them all. I've truly learned to adapt, include and gather friends in ways that build lasting friendships.

Through all of this, those around me have made me realize one thing - Ndapanda, to so many, means the one you go to when you need comfort. Ndapanda is love, joy and chaos - in that exact order.

It has taken so long for me to reach a point of oversight in my life where I truly feel like I know what I'm doing, but now that I do, I'm positive that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, with exactly those that I'm supposed to be with. As for what there is in the name, there's so much more... I simply have to keep looking, learning and living.

With an amazing partner by my side, friends that surely had to have been sent by God and the will and determination to grow into my purpose, surely nothing could stop me from learning what's truly in the name.

I'm ending this post with a quote by Dave Chappelle that resonates with this new journey I'm on, and it reads:

“You’ve got to say ‘yes’ to your destiny. Life’s happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!” – Dave Chappelle

Until next time, beloveds.

xo.